Hi All ~

In additon to my Feature Article, I am going to begin advertising dates for my public events. What public events, you ask? I will be leading public "Empowerment Seminars" for women, couples and the general public. The seminars will assist participants to break through Limiting Beliefs and Fears. Stay tuned for 2009 dates and locations.

I invite you to send me any comments you have in response to my articles.

Committed to helping people step out of the ordinary,

Barb Langlois

P.S. Please feel free to pass this newsletter along to anyone who might benefit from it.

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Article ~

"If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you've always gotten."
~ Anthony Robbins

If Not You, Then Who?

by Barb Langlois

There's a Bully on every unit. I hear about them in the workshops I lead. The most common description of The Bully is: female nurse, approximately 40-50 years old, worked on the nursing unit for 10+ years, intimidates most staff and treats others poorly.

In some of my Learning Environment workshops, we spend a significant amount of time, talking about The Bully (she's so powerful, she even dominates conversations when she's not even present!). From what I understand, most people are afraid to speak directly to her about her behaviour because they believe she will get angry, defensive or speaking to her will not make one bit of difference. My only response to this type of comment is, "You can't control another's response but you can control your own actions. What are you willing to put up with? If you don't speak to her, then who will?"

People and nursing unit cultures change one conversation at a time. Get the support of others and begin letting The Bully know the impact of her behaviour on you. Even though people often don't believe me, I say many times "The Bully doesn't know she's a bully." No-one has ever told her what kind of impact she has on them (they've told everyone else, though!).

A Bully was in my workshop, not too long ago. I wasn't aware she was A Bully until after the workshop was over. When she spoke during the workshop, she indicated she believed she addressed people fairly and directly, just how she likes to be addressed. She doesn't pussy-foot around, she gets right to the point and she believes people appreciate that type of approach. The only problem is, she has no idea of the impact she has when she is, what she considers, fair and direct. My suggestion to all of you dealing with this Bully or any other Bully: the next time she says something that doesn't sit right with you, feel the fear and tell her the impact she has on you. Feel the fear and do it anyway; if not you, then who? You may think she already knows how she is, I'm betting she doesn't.

Bullies, if you know who you are, please understand that while your intent may be good, your impact is detrimental to others. Have the courage to ask people, "Am I too harsh at times?" then give them the safety and space to answer honestly.

If you're not sure if you're The Bully, chances are if you are thinking you might be, you likely are! Ask the question and be prepared to have an answer that indicates you are harsh. Don't argue, justify or deny, just listen. Now that you've heard what they've said, your work really begins.

Responsibility for changing unit cultures to positive places to work begins with you because if it's not you, then who?

Step Out of the Ordinary!

Barb Langlois