Hi Everyone ~

"Ultimate Possibilities for Women 2" Seminar was a big success. Thank you to all the participants who attended.

My next public events will be in the fall. They will be in the Vancouver area. Stay tuned for dates and locations.

Have a great week!

I love helping you "step out of the ordinary."

Barb Langlois

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Article ~

"Holding onto your anger is like clutching a vibrating pole.
The harder you clench, the more every part of
your being vibrates in reaction."
~ Kare Anderson

I'm Done with Drinking Poison

by Barb Langlois

Remember the last time someone hurt you? Did you get mad? Are you holding a grudge... even if it’s a small one?

Nothing wrong with holding a grudge, is there? After all, I consider myself an expert at holding a grudge. I held one for 10 years, didn’t speak to my friend “Nancy” (not her real name) once in all that time. Sure, I thought about her, after all we had been friends for over 15 years. I really wanted to teach Nancy a lesson, though. She would see just how bad she hurt me . . .

Before I tell you that story, I want you to know the effect of teaching Nancy (or anyone) a lesson. Teaching a lesson is like holding a grudge. It doesn’t have to be something big. It doesn’t have to last 10 years. Holding a grudge is hanging on to any kind of resentment. Things you’ve left undone. I know, you know what I mean when I say “undone.” Yes, those niggling conversations. Holding a grudge or not having those niggling conversations is better said this way: “it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die!” (quote from Nelson Mandela).

Back to my story . . .

Like I said, I hung on to my hurt and resentment for 10 years! Have you ever hung on that long? Maybe longer? If you have, you know it’s tough work! After reading several books suggesting I am responsible for my life, I finally began to act that way. I come to the realization that I had expectations my friend Nancy didn’t meet. I had wanted her to support me differently through my father’s death. But get this, I never told her what I wanted. I expected Nancy to know – after all, we had been friends for 15 years! She should know everything about me, don’t you think? It was certainly what I thought.

For 10 years I was drinking poison and expecting her to die (well I didn’t want her to die, just learn the lesson). What I finally came to realize is, Nancy did the best she could, at the time.

I finally decided to write Nancy a letter. Easier said than done. Where would I start? What would I say? Would she even read the letter? After many painful hours, I managed to scribble a few things then ended with:

“I’m writing this to forgive myself for holding onto a grudge for so long. I cherish our friendship. That period of time was difficult for me and now I want to move on with my life. I don’t expect a response... just want you to know how I feel.”

I found her address on the internet and mailed it.

I thought about the letter every now and again but within a couple of weeks it had slipped from my mind. About six weeks later, to my surprise, a letter arrived, caught between 2 pieces of junk mail that I almost threw it out. It was from Nancy. My heart sank. I was scared to open it. What if she said what a terrible person I was? What if . . .? An hour later, I took it to my room, closed the door and read it.

She began:

“I was intrigued when I received a letter from you after not hearing from you for all these years. I had thought about reaching out to you but my own “fears” prevented me.”

I re-read that last line a couple of times.

She shared her life summary with me and ended with “My life is a journey and I get to choose the people on that journey. I will always choose you.”

Wow! I wept. I thought she hated me. I slept with the letter under my pillow for a week. The poison I had been drinking was now depleted and I no longer had a need to re-fill it. What a freeing moment!

Have you ever found yourself holding a grudge against someone you work with? Are you walking around taking sips from your poison bottle, like I was? Have you noticed the toxic effect it has on your body and well being? Are you thinking “they” will die (or learn a hard lesson)? Trust me, it doesn’t work.

For your own well being, please consider emptying your poison bottle – have the difficult conversation, make the phone call or write the letter. After all, you’re the one paying the price, if you don’t!

Step Out of the Ordinary!

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